On the same day, May 19th, that I had the honor of speaking on the "big stage" at church, I also had the pleasure of seeing a play titles "Every Brilliant Thing" which was hosted and performed by the VA Stage Company at my church. After a much needed nap and realizing the play began at 6:00 not 6:30 my family rushed back to the church a few minutes late but excited to see the play. I greeted those still in the hall but focused on getting to the auditorium and as I glanced to my left I saw a banner with a very familiar face. It was one of my favorite teachers from the eighth grade Senora Agudelo.
My heart jumped for joy as I entered the to see her as the actress in a one woman interactive show. Every Brilliant thing in a nutshell is about one woman's journey from childhood up through adulthood. She has a mother battling depressions and suicidal attempts. In the face of the fear of losing her mother she decides to start a list of every brilliant thing in the world as a way to show her mother and herself that life is worth living. Through the ups and downs of life and even wanting to give up and experiencing depression herself, the main character ultimately finds one million brilliant things documented on her list. Its a story of heartache, frustration, hope, and love. I was captivated by the performance and the story. I laughed and cried and thought deeply about by own life and struggles with depression, I thought of my moms struggles and her moms struggles and I didn't feel sad, but empowered.
How brilliant is it that in the face of generation after generation of trauma and heartache, dealing with things in the darkness, in my generation God has called us into the light. To have resources, understanding and a better way to deal with our deep seated issues is such a brilliant gift from God.
You see that morning when I spoke on the "big stage" I opened my message talking about how important the month of May is to me. How eight years ago I hit rock bottom and I saw the light of Christ calling me back to Him. I was struggling with depression, and anxiety to the point where I was on medications, lexapro, zanax and adderall. None of it really helped. When I made the decision to fight for my life with the Lord it was the best thing I could ever have done and not just for me, for my family before me and who's coming after me. You can imagine the joy I felt sitting in the play watching my eight grade Spanish teacher perform something that spoke so deeply to what I had come out of eight years prior. My own daughter sitting with me and I thought of how I was currently fighting through the tail end of a depressive episode. It was as if God was winking at me letting me know that my pushing through, my transparency, my dedication to keeping going was in fact not in vein. He knew the eight grade me struggling seeing my own mother depressed, he knew the me eight years ago fighting my way out of sin, darkness, and depression, and he knows the me now. He will always know me and He will always show me every Brilliant thing his love, light, and creation has to offer, if I allow Him to.
I put off writing this because I felt it was a little bit deeper than the words I could actually put with what I was feeling in the moment. However, I knew I had to try. To some people the reoccuring eight is just a coincidence, Seeing my 8th grade spanish teacher has nothing to do with it being eight years since fighting my way out of my rock bottom darkness and giving my life to Christ. For me and my heavenly father it is another brilliant thing, a God wink to me to remind me that He orchestrates everything in my life and that He always has and always will speak to me if I am willing to hear Him. I am right where I am supposed to be.
He has made everything beautiful in its time, He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end - Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV
I pray this encourages you.
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