Depression? In Pregnancy?

I had been warned about postpartum depression and I had seen a few tiktoks about depression in pregnancy but when it hit me I was blindsided. 

Over the years I have become fluent in the symptoms, triggers, and highs and lows of depression. Even though I had not received diagnosis until my early 20’s when I looked back at my childhood it was apparent that my struggle was deeper than sadness. 

I've had seasons of taking medication but ultimately decided to find ways to cope and counteract my depression when possible. The past 7 years it's been about riding the wave and giving myself grace. So when I found myself in my OB’s office face to face with nurses familiar with my normal happy demeanor , now offering me medication to manage my depression in pregnancy I was mortified. Had I slipped that deep? Were my tears and countenance that dark. Counting up on the other side of a 2 month episode I can now say, yes it was that serious. I was scared for myself and so was everyone else around me. 

I decided not to take the medication and wait it out feeling hopeful that eventually the dark cloud would lift and I can say with confidence that its no longer storming, it's more like a light drizzle which to me is manageable. I can handle a little rain, it's the pouring that I couldn't take but for so long.

If you are pregnant and experiencing depression, my heart goes out to you. There's still such a stigma around mental health and when the factor of a baby is added it brings extra opinion and extra judgment from within too. I pray that any momma pregnant or not reading this feels seen. You are loved and valued even in the midst of your struggles. Take care of yourself.